Conversations

We can learn much through conversations with others. Today I’m talking with Terry Powell.

Terry, tell us about what you do.

For 36 years, I’ve taught Church Ministry and Bible teaching classes full time at Columbia International University in South Carolina. During those years, I’ve also served two stints, totaling 10 years, as half-time Director of Christian Education in my local church. Before coming to CIU, I served as a full-time DCE in a large Midwestern church. Once a year, I teach national leaders overseas. Writing is also something I do.

Yes, I’m aware of your writing because that’s how we first connected. I saw an article in a magazine that you had written about your struggle with depression. I have also experienced depression. I think that makes us kindred spirits.

What’s your experience with depression been like?

From early childhood to the present, the nemesis of depression has often enveloped me. Symptoms come and go. I’m not always depressed. Yet it’s rare to go more than a few months without a few rough days of walking in the darkness.

What symptoms do you experience?

For me, depression symptoms take one of two forms: (1) a robotic, listless, emotionally-numb state when motivation wanes, and my normal zest for living is at a low ebb. (2) Or the pendulum swings in the opposite direction. I have periods of heartache and hyper-sensitivity, causing me to weep at the slightest provocation. Symptoms usually accompanying a depressive episode include hopelessness, negative self-talk, an escalation of anxiety and impatience, overreactions to the normal stressors of life that all people face, and wishing for death (though I’ve never attempted suicide).

What causes your depressive episodes? And how do you deal with them?

In most instances I can’t pinpoint a specific reason for spiraling into depression. I normally see no correlation between circumstances and a day when I’m despondent. Yet when I’m already in a depressive episode, certain setbacks or relationship stressors worsen the symptoms and cause my mood to spiral farther down.

People with recurring depression often have a genetic predisposition for melancholy moods. I see ample evidence of this in my own family tree, especially on my mother’s side. This predisposition typically involves a depletion of brain chemicals necessary for normal neural functioning, such as serotonin, dopamine, or norepinephrine.

How do you fight the symptoms?

The primary means I’ve employed to alleviate the burden include Bible memory, heartfelt praying, support of close friends (including my wife), medical intervention, and the input of a professional Christian counselor. Personally, I consider medical help and counseling means of God’s “common grace” to man.

I wield a variety of weapons to fight for my joy. Yet since God hasn’t chosen to heal me of depression, I ask Him to use it redemptively.

How do you do that? How do you use your experience with depression in a redemptive way?

I now write and speak on depression.

Why do you want to write and speak on depression?

Four reasons pop into my mind:

(1) A myth persists among many Christians that depression stems directly from sin, anemic faith, or a failure to tap into God’s resources through spiritual disciplines such as prayer and Bible study. I want to dispel this myth, particularly in light of the growing evidence of a physical cause for depression in many cases.

There’s no correlation in my own life. I’ve felt buoyant in spirit on days when I neglect personal time with the Lord, and severely depressed on days that began with an unhurried quiet time that included confession of sin.

(2) Another misconception is that depression keeps a person from being fruitful in ministry. If that were true, how do we explain the fruitful ministry of past spiritual giants such as David Brainerd and Charles Spurgeon? To read their biographies is eye-opening. Both men struggled with depression. Spurgeon himself pointed out that God receives most glory through a needy person who clings to Him (see Psalm 50:15).

(3) Among many churches in the United States, a theology of suffering is especially shallow. Factors such as a consumer mindset and the proliferation of the health and wealth gospel have inadvertently led many people to equate suffering with God’s displeasure or with a lack of faith. Yet the Bible teems with verses that promise suffering for God’s people, with potential outcomes including greater intimacy with Him, deeper character, and expanded ministry to others who hurt. Representative of such texts are Psalm 34:18-19; John 16:33; James 1:2-4; and 1 Peter 4:12-16.

(4) I also want people to recognize that no matter what causes their depression, there is still a spiritual battle to face. It’s a battle of belief. Will I believe the lies Satan whispers when I’m in the throes of depression, or will I believe what the Bible teaches about the character of God and His promises for a brighter future? Will I rely on the Holy Spirit’s strength when depression increases my vulnerability to certain temptations? Or will I fight back with verses such as 2 Thessalonians 3:3? “But God is faithful, and He will strengthen and protect you from the evil one.”

A number of biblical characters struggled with depression. Do you identify with any particular one?

King David.

Why David? I don’t particularly see him as depressed.

In Psalm 13, David starts out with questions about God’s apparent abandonment of him. Yet a few verses later, David extols God’s loving kindness and alludes to past times when God had dealt bountifully with him. Focusing on God’s character and past experiences of His faithfulness instilled within David trust for the current crisis.

What I appreciate about him is how he dealt directly with God in times of crises or emotional upheaval. Whether foes threatened him or he felt abandoned by God, David’s raw emotions showed in the form of doubts and hard questions that show up in his prayers.

I’m not advocating showing disrespect to a holy God, yet David—and others such as Jeremiah suggest it’s okay to vent negative feelings to God. Perhaps such honesty gives a green light to the Spirit to change our thinking. Both men shifted to praise and to a focus on who God is and what He has done, but only after honest venting of negative attitudes.

I share your belief in the value of honest praying which I write about in my books on depression. When we are honest with God, we give Him a channel to come in and do a work of grace in our lives. Learning that was one of the valuable things to come out of my depression. While I wouldn’t want anybody to suffer from depression, it can turn out to be a valuable experience.

How do you view your experience? Do you consider it detrimental or beneficial or somewhere in between?

That’s a thoughtful question, Brenda. Without minimizing the inner horror of severe depression, I view my depression as beneficial.

One reason I do is my rock-solid belief in the sovereignty of God. If prayers and other means of grace haven’t obliterated my depression, and if medicine and counseling haven’t eradicated it, I’ve no choice but to believe that He intends it for my good and for His glory.

Years ago, through tears, I surrendered my depression to God in words similar to these:

“Father, if You choose not to lift this veil of darkness, I accept that. I belong to you. You are still good and loving. You know what You’re about. If this vulnerability to despondency always characterizes me, I’ll assume you have a reason. I’ll trust You to sustain me through the rough days, and to use me in spite of (or possibly, because of) it. What matters isn’t that others perceive me as weak, but that they see You—the One I desperately cling to—as strong.”

A second reason I see depression as beneficial is how it has expanded my ministry to hurting people. When I speak or write on the subject, people know I can identify with their pain, and I can put into words the despair they are experiencing. I can’t offer superficial solutions to such a complex condition, but I can testify that God’s resources dramatically help with the symptoms, and that He can still use them fruitfully in service.

I also convey tried-and-true strategies for enduring during a depressive episode. A few months ago I launched a new blog on depression and faith: penetratingthedarkness.com. The home page describes its purpose and direction. Near the bottom of the home page readers can click on a link to hear a 30-minute chapel testimony I gave at CIU in 2014, prompted by a student’s suicide. This link takes you to the blog:

https://www.penetratingthedarkness.com/

Brenda, thanks for the opportunity to share with your readers. And thank you for setting a valuable precedent yourself for writing on the subject of depression and faith. I’d welcome any of your readers who want to contact me at terry.powell@ciu.edu.